Instructions

For this assignment, you will again compose a query letter and copyedit a draft article. Use the pages provided in this document to complete each activity, and submit your work via the Moodle Assignments tool.

1. You are the editor of an online church bulletin at a very large congregation (ten thousand members) in Mesa, AZ. One of your congregants has submitted the attached piece to your publication in anticipation of an upcoming guest lecture. You decide to go with the piece, hoping that with some work it can be an interesting and provocative read. As submitted, the piece is over 1,100 words, but the final article can be no more than 900 words in length.
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Using the space provided, compose a query letter to the writer. Be positive and constructive. You can offer general comments―but be specific about problems. Consider the tone, the language, the organization of the piece, the audience, and any content-related weaknesses. Explain any major cuts to the piece.

1. Although you might not copyedit the piece at this stage in real life, for the purposes of this assignment, go ahead and revise the piece as best you can while trying to salvage the author’s words and voice as best you can. Locate and repair obvious grammatical errors, wordiness, and the like. Suggest a new title if you think that would be appropriate. (Hint: There’s at least one factual error and there are quite a few misspellings.) You can embed comments in the piece, write separate queries with references to specific paragraphs, or do some combination of the two (or create some other system).

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

by Mr. John Sylvan

¶1 “I see blotches of colors. All the colors of the rainbow. Some that I have never been able to duplicate, fluorescence, phosphourescence, and fushia-type colors. It is very beautiful. I have the sensation of waking up in absolute darkness. It is absolutely opaque blackness—there is no light at all or no identifiable objects, but I know that I am awake. As it gets darker, I have the feeling of forward motion.”

¶2 So begins Tim Sawyer when he describes his Near-death experience (NDE), an experience that changed a self-described all-American brat and “fistfighting class comedian” into a student of quantum psychics and a lecturer who has spoken to audiences across the U.S. (He’s coming to our congregation next month.)

¶3 NDE is a series of vivid events which survivors of a life-threatening accident or illnesses describe once they regain conscientiousness. More than one theory has been developed to explain the NDE phenomena. A psychological explanation might suggest that the NDE occurs as a coping mechanism, allowing an individual to deal with a catastrophic illness or accident. Lack of oxygen to the brain, natural hormonal secretions such as endomorphirins, and changes in body chemistry can cause altercations in thought process or even hallucinations and offer what can be thought of as scientific explanations for a NDE. However, some religious groups, have come up with a theory in which the NDE is a spiritual phenomena, a glimpse of afterlife, even proof of God’s existence. Whatever NDE may be it was very real to Mr. Sawyer on that spring morning in 1978. Although not all victims of catastrophic experiences tell of a NDE, memories of the episode linger with Tim, which only took eight minutes according to clock-time but lasted long enough in Tim’s mind for him to review his entire life story. The affereffects of the NDE have given him a sense of urgency to share his newfound knowledge with others which Tom accomplishes through his lectures at colleges and Universities and churches, participation in research studies, and phone interviews such as this one.

¶4 Although Tim claims he did not read a complete book cover to cover through high school, Tim is a captivating speaker. He becomes emotionally caught up in the description, at times hesitant, his head bowed and his voice husky and at other times his body is leaning forward excitedly and persuasively.

¶5 Tim Sawyer has never heard of an NDE on what he terms a typical suburban American morning in 2005 when he and his son begin repairing his truck in the Sawyer driveway. Quite knowledgeable about the safety principals of auto repair, he has blocked the wheels for safety’s sake and the car set on jack stands. But while teaching his son how to repair the vehicle, the driveway collapses because of air pockets underneath the concrete, and the truck falls across Tim’s chest, crushing his ribs, liver, and lungs.

¶6 Even now Tim still recalls the experience vividly. After seeing the colors, I start to move down a tunnel, a tunnel he says, that was like if you look into a tornado and stretched it out straight and looked down the center of it. A tunnel which is vast, from a thousand to ten thousand feet wide. A tunnel cylindrical, narrow at times, almost rectangular. I am floating or traveling in the very center of the tunnel. There is no wind, no sound. No vibration. It is absolutely comfortable, a desirable place to be.

¶7 During Tim’s journey though the tunnel, he experienced a review of his entire life. He felt the emotions of others and better understanding of the reasons for their behavior. This is something that has lasted with Tim since the journey occurred and since.

¶8 Tim’s life review included a situation that had occurred when Tim was a teenager. He had gotten in to a fight with some drunk who’d darted out in front of Tim’s “hot rod,” which of course led Tim to having to slam on the brakes and then the vehicle stops. He rolls down the window and yelled, “Next time use the crosswalk.” The pedestrian reaches through the window and slaps him, calling him a “young whippersnapper.” So Tim immediately left the cab of the truck and punches the man, who falls backward and struck his head. For the first time in his life, Tim truly felt the pain of others, and learned a great deal about himself as well. He describes this question for knowledge as a humiliating and humbling experience. The life review taught Tim any number of very important lessons and about himself and others. During his life review, he relieved this incident, but this time he actually understood how the pediatrician felt in the situation. “I can feel the total degradation, the humiliation, his drunken state.”

¶9 As Tim continued to move forward, a speck of light made its appearance at the end of the tunnel. Tim’s interaction with this light became the pivotal moment in his NDE.

¶10 Tim said he had the choice to stay and become part of this light. Because the light was perfection, Tim chose to stay. Hesitating, his sorrow is obvious as he describes leaving the light and returning to a normal life. “In other words, I’m actually feeling sorry for myself that I’m here right now. Although this is okay, it can’t compare with perfection.”
¶11 After his interaction with the really bright light, Tim regained consciousness and moved back into his body like a tremendous electrical shock, which then marked a conclusion to the NDE, which from what I’ve read is a common experience. He said the experience changed him forever.

¶12 Why did this occur? He says he was destined that warm, sunny day in May to have an awakening. How does he feel about it now, almost a decade later? “How do I feel about it? It’s something that happened to me.”

¶13 In spite of describing himself as an agnostic, Tim, in a voice thick with emotion, explains that the light was “The Light of Jesus Christ. It was God. It was Heaven, it was the Light of Buddha. It was the Essence of the very pure Krishna. I was all of those things. Absolutely everything. Even me.”

¶14 Whether the near-death experience occurred because of lack of oxygen or as an hallucination or as proof of “God” is not of significance, although clearly this confirms the existence of God. The significance to Tim Sawyer is the burning reality of his NDE and his burning need to communicate his new way of looking at living after so very nearly dying!